Survive- the Asylum Read online

  "What's wrong?" I ask breathlessly.

  "They're coming!" she repeats. Her hand is like a vice around my joint. I can feel how sweaty her fingers are.

  "What do you mean?" is what I want to know.

  Her eyes widen.

  "Don't you understand?" she asks in a desperate voice. "We are in danger! You and me... all of us."

  The loud footsteps of approaching orderlies interrupt us. The second Kate takes a look at them, I become a witness to what is going on in her head. Never in my life have I seen such panic in the eyes of a human being. I don't know what happened to her – to Kate, these people are evil incarnate. But when she looks at me again, her gaze is soft and full of hope. Her fingers are wrapping my hand even tighter.

  She leans over to whisper something to me.

  "Come into the kitchen!" she says so quietly, I can hardly understand it. "Tomorrow at midnight."

  I open my mouth, but I don't ask why. They'd hear us. The orderlies have almost reached us.

  "Please," Kate adds, before the sisters grab her by the left and right hands.

  "Take it easy," one of them tries to appease Kate. "It's all right."

  Kate looks like she's about to be led to the slaughterhouse any minute. While the nurses take her down the hall, I bite my lip.

  "Just a minute!" I yell. I know I shouldn't interfere. I'm worried about Kate.

  The nurse would have preferred not to talk to me - her expression makes this obvious. It irritates me.

  "Is she okay?" I want to know.

  "Yes. Don't worry," demands the nurse. Her smile seems busy but honest.

  "She just had a relapse, which we're now treating with a sedative."

  She notices how I press my lips together and smiles even wider.

  "But they've become much rarer," she adds before she turns around. Without another word she hurries down the hall to follow her colleague and Kate. I look at the three of them and wonder if everything is really all right with her. Who's right? Did Kate really sense a danger in this place that no one else noticed? Or is she just fantasizing because of her paranoia and starting to infect me with it? What could happen to her here?

  When I now grasp my door handle again, I have not become any smarter. Just much more confused.

  The next day passes very quickly, because I am constantly in thought. Even when it has already become pitch-black outside, I still rack my brains.

  I'm just not sure what to do.

  Should I meet Kate in the kitchen tonight? I have no idea what she wants to tell me. I'm not even sure I want to know what's supposed to be going on here. In the end, I would be worried, without having any evidence to prove if this is really justified. And who knows if Kate will even show up? Maybe she forgot about her seizure long ago and is dumping me.

  On the other hand, I would also like to know what makes her so anxious. Maybe paranoia can have a much greater impact than I thought. Still, it seems strange to me. At first she stares at the sisters as if they wanted to kill her, and barely a second later she seems completely normal to me. No matter how many times I circulate these thoughts in my head, I can't get a result. If I really want to meet Kate in the kitchen, one thing is essential.

  I can't take my medication tonight.

  They contain a sleeping pill and make me dead tired. As soon as I take them, they turn off my lights. Sometimes in the morning I don't even remember taking them. If I'm actually sick, it's probably not a good idea to stop taking my pills on my own, but if I take them, I won't be able to stay awake until midnight.

  I still have a few hours to think about it.

  When it's time, I choose to trust Kate and meet her. I've never seen her talk so seriously to anyone else. Usually she just sits in the same place at the window and looks out. She trusts no one and always seems introverted. I have no idea why she does so, but she seems to trust me. I'm determined to find out why. Something must be responsible for her fear. I know we're in a mental institution. Kate's probably just crazy and needs help. To know for sure, I need to talk to her tonight.

  Skipping my pill dose is a challenge.

  Each drug delivery is monitored by the nurses to ensure that everyone receives their correct medication. They watch us until we have swallowed the pills and flushed down a glass of water. Only then will they let us go. In the evening a sleeping pill is added, which can knock out even a grown man. Some patients stagger shortly after swallowing the stuff.

  The question is, how do I make the pills disappear? I can feel the nurse's gaze on me. She's waiting for me to drink my glass of water. I have a plan, however. Instead of choking down the drugs, I slip them under my tongue. Then I carefully drink the water without letting the tablets escape. Unfortunately they dissolve very quickly. After the nurse gives me the nod, I have to hurry to get to my room.

  There I immediately spit the pills into the palm of my hand. Their consistency has become muddy and somehow mealy. Wrapped in a handkerchief I will flush them down the toilet at the next opportunity. No one will notice. But what now? There's still a few hours till midnight. Since we are not allowed to take any employment opportunities to our rooms, I will have to kill time with brooding.

  Afraid of falling asleep, I sit upright in my bed, always with the clock on the wall in view. As the minutes advance, I watch the hands on their endless journey. I listen to the noises in the corridors. As every evening, it becomes quiet quickly after all the pills have been handed over. The patients get tired and retire to their rooms to sleep. For a while I can still hear the urgent steps of the nurses, then these too disappear. Half an hour later it's dead quiet.

  In between, I threaten to nod off because it's so boring. In addition, my brain is probably already linking this bed with fatigue. But I'm hanging in there. I need to know what Kate is trying to tell me. While I wait for the right hour to strike, I notice strange noises again and again.

  I never noticed them before. From time to time I think I can hear sounds from the lower floor. I never wondered what was there. Probably other patients are accommodated there. The voices are strange. I hear muffled moans that seem to turn into a whimper, and when I actually doze off for a moment, a sharp scream wakes me up. It sounds like a woman's.

  What on earth is going on down there?

  I have long enough to think about it. In the end I come to the conclusion that the crazy people on my floor all seem relatively tame. Maybe the other floor is there to keep potentially dangerous people safe. Let us hope that the staircase is always properly locked. I'd hate to run into someone like that.

  An eternity later the clock finally strikes midnight.

  One look at the hallway reveals that nobody is awake but me. Only the common room is guarded by a nurse. She is just about to paint her nails and does not really pay attention to her surroundings. I manage to sneak past behind her with bated breath. A few seconds later I closed the kitchen door silently behind me. Until now, I frankly didn't think I'd actually meet Kate here. But when I enter the room, she is already there.

  Dressed only in her nightgown she stands there in silence and stares at the wall. Like a mannequin. Only when she hears my footsteps she starts to move and looks like a human being again.

  "Hello," I say as I get closer.

  Kate looks into every corner of the room before answering.

  "Hello."

  "Everything okay?" I ask.

  "Yes," Kate replies in an empty voice. "All is well."

  A second later she adds, "Thank you."

  "Why did you call me here?"

  Kate bites her lower lip. Then she looks around once more.

  "We don't have much time," explains the paranoid woman. "This is the only place we can talk."

  "Why?" is what I want to know.

  "The walls have eyes and ears," is the answer. "Just not here. But we must hurry."

  I'm still not sure what Kate wants from me. She just stands there and looks at me, but I get more and more the feeling that she is much clearer tha
n you would think. Even now her brown eyes are full of fear again. However, our conversation seems to bring a certain calmness to her. For the first time since I've known her, she's articulating herself normally. With crossed arms and a wrinkled forehead she tries to make me understand what she is up to.

  "I want to escape," she says. "Outside. To freedom."

  When I hear that, everything becomes clear to me. That's why she wanted a conversation in private that would not be overheard by the nurses.

  "How are you gonna do that?" it just slips out. I know, I should convince her that she needs help and has to stay here. Maybe I should even alert the orderlies. But I don't think anyone here understands Kate as well as I do. Just like her, I just want to leave this place. I don't care if I'm sick or not. I want my freedom back, even if I can't remember how it felt.

  "There's a window in the room with the cleaning products," says Kate. Her gaze is so rigid and concentrated as if she was already standing in front of it.

  "It's not barred," she adds. "And when they clean, they don't lock the door."

  I realize how carefully she has already planned her escape. At the same time I wonder how long she hasn't taken her pills. In the meantime I can feel the difference myself. Until this afternoon, I could hardly think straight. Everything was wrapped in cotton wool. Now, for the first time in a long time, I notice how concentrated and attentive I can be.

  Do so few pills really have such an effect?

  "I'm coming with you," I say immediately. It comes like a shot out of the gun and without me having given it much thought.

  I gotta get out of here.

  Kate nods and I even see something like a smile on her pale lips.

  "That's nice," she says. "What shall we do?"

  „Let me think for a second.“

  At the other end of the kitchen wall hangs a large plastic clock. In the silence of the night their hands move so unbearably loud that every tick goes through my marrow and leg.

  "When they start cleaning, I pretend to go to the toilet," I explain after a few minutes. "You wait and come after me a little later."

  I know that the large trolleys with the cleaning products always roll across the corridors in the late afternoon and shortly after the tablets are dispensed. This is our chance.

  Kate listens to me with great concentration.

  "Meet me at the room with the cleaning products. We will leave together."

  My heart beats like a jackhammer at the thought of it. Kate looks like she feels the same way.

  "Okay," she replies breathlessly. "Tomorrow."

  "Right."

  We say goodbye with this plan in mind.

  Kate leaves the kitchen first. I stay behind and listen for a while, but the corridor remains just as quiet as before. When I'm sure she's safely back in her room, I do the same. The nurse is reading a book. She hasn't moved the whole time. It's easy for me to sneak past her and into my room.

  When I get there I go to bed. But I'm far too wired to fall asleep. I can't believe I actually agreed to escape from the asylum with Kate. What will happen? Will the police be looking for us? Are we considered dangerous? I have no idea what the consequences will be for my decision. But one thing I know for sure - I'd rather do anything than continue to be locked up here.

  Chapter 4 - Escape

  I am unbearably tense all day long.

  It is difficult for me to remain inconspicuous while sitting in the common room and watching the others. They gave them a parlor game for children – a plastic funnel that shoots little butterflies. The patients seem to be very happy about it and try to catch them, but there is a dispute and the nurses have to dismantle the device again. Two women have started to fight with the safety nets.

  Afterwards it gets quiet again. Everyone gets something to draw.

  While I scribble listlessly on my paper, I wait anxiously for the right time. Meanwhile, I'm gonna take a look at Kate. She sits at the window and seems as tense as I am. With me and Kate, the bearded man is the only one who has not taken part in the parlour game either. He turns a chess piece between his fingers and stares completely absorbed at the checkered board.

  When the time comes to hand out the pills, I get ready. My heart starts pounding fast again. The excitement is at my throat. That's where the water comes in, which I have to flush down the pills with. However, I have decided not to take them today either. You can't escape with your head covered in mist. So I keep the pills under my tongue, just like last night and this morning. Then I go to the bathroom without attracting attention.

  No one is in the hallway. Only the large, metal trolleys are already in place to transport brooms, buckets and rags into the rooms. That means this is it. If Kate's right, the small room at the end of the hall should not be locked.

  I'll just look around. Then I hurry to the brown door and turn the knob. The door swings open silently.

  While my heart skips a beat with nervousness, I scurry into the small, crowded room and hide behind the door. There I wait for two or even three seemingly endless minutes. The silence is good, but also unbearable. I try to concentrate on the noise in my ears so as not to go crazy.

  Then I hear footsteps. My whole body stiffens when the door next to me swings open again. When I recognize Kate's black hair, I step out of my hiding place.

  Kate is as white as a sheet, but seems ready to go. I must admit I'm impressed. I believed until the last moment that she might chicken out or even forget me altogether. But here we are. And just like Kate said, the little window has no bars.

  The room is surprisingly run-down. Unlike the rest of the institution, the walls are not painted. Instead, old beige paint peels off everywhere. It looks like it‘s from the last century. Also the floor is partly cracked and very old-fashioned. The room is so small that Kate and I can barely stand next to each other without touching the walls. Countless medicines are piled up on large shelves made of solid metal. The cleaning agents are stored underneath. Somehow I don't feel that this is entirely within the law.

  "There! The window!" cries Kate there, scaring me out of my thoughts.

  An old window framed in wood is our ticket to freedom. A friendly sun shines through the scratched disc. Without thinking long about whether we can pass through, I push Kate resolutely towards the wall. I feel how emaciated she must be under her clothes. With a hasty look over my shoulder I let Kate go first.

  "Be careful," I whisper as the young woman climbs the windowsill. "We don't know how deep it is."

  I almost have to squeeze my words past the lump in my throat. I know that the nurses could find us at any time. It feels like a scene from a horror movie - only you can't just switch off. Every hair on my body stands on end.

  When Kate opens the window, she looks down. Shortly afterwards she drops herself. I'll rush right after it. It is difficult for me to climb on the narrow windowsill - the stay here has made me unfit. A second later I see Kate's black mop of hair below me. She has landed on a tween roof, which can be seen right below us. From there it is easy to jump onto the floor and thus into the courtyard.

  With both legs firmly on the ground, I spit the pills out of my mouth into the grass. Now our escape begins.

  "Go!" I yell. "We have to find a way out."

  Kate has already set herself in motion - she hurries towards the electric fence that encloses the entire area. I can see the branches of the unkempt bushes scratching her arms.

  "Wait.“

  As I follow Kate, I reach for her wrist. She was halfway to the fence when I got to her.

  "No way!"

  Breathlessly, I point upwards. The fence is not only a good two and a half meters high, but also has barbed wire. Climbing over there is impossible. Even if it wasn't electrified. Kate doesn't seem to care about that. She tugs at her hand like I'm trying to stop her from escaping in the first place.

  "Kate!" I say. "Don't you understand? We can't climb over there!"

  "No!" she replies in a desperate voice. "I wa
nt to get out of here!"

  Suddenly I realize that she's probably getting a panic attack right now. Instead of coming up with a plan with me like last night, she stormed off blindly. She doesn't seem to realize at all that this fence could kill her. Finally she tears herself loose and jumps against the stitches.

  I instinctively prepare for the worst. In my mind's eye I can almost see Kate receiving a fatal electric shock right in front of me. But when I come to, she has already climbed up half of the fence.

  A ruse?

  Apparently the warning sign was placed wrongly - no electricity flows through the fence. However, this fact still cannot dissolve the barbed wire into thin air. I'm toying with the idea of climbing after Kate and stopping her. I can't let her touch the barbed wire!

  Eventually, I hear footsteps behind me. They’re coming straight out of the asylum. Five tall men dressed in black storm out of the door. It takes me a moment to realize they're heavily armed.

  For a split second my mind stops working. Something inside of me keeps blocking out that all this is reality, but I do not allow myself this weakness for long. The voice of reason in my head tells me that these men couldn't possibly be after us. My sixth sense, however, is of a different opinion. It commands me to seek safety and I follow it.

  My eyes are on Kate. I can't let her down. Who knows what those guys will do to her if they catch her? Now to everything decided I climb up the fence myself and grab Kate by the arm. I'm stronger than her, but she fights back so hard that we both lose our footing. We fall off the fence and straight into the grass. The impact is squeezing all the oxygen out of my lungs. For a moment I am knocked out and completely disoriented. Then the dull steps of the armed men bring me back to reality.

  We have to get out of here.

  Without now paying attention to Kate's resistance, I cover her mouth and drag her with me into the next bush. It's a rosehip bush that scratches us all up. Kate defends herself with all her might and even kicks her legs.